lightening the load

Do you remember the last time someone told you to go to the bathroom? I think I was probably 8 or 9 years old. Ever since, I’ve been free to decided when to go or not go. Well, all that may change for those of us who intend to fly. 

Green means GO

Nippon Airways, which operates in and out of Japan, has already begun asking passengers to use the restroom before traveling and the reason couldn’t be more ridiculous. Apparently the airline believes that doing so will reduce its carbon footprint. Empty bladders, it says make for lighter passengers and lighter passengers means less fuel use.

No joke. Nippon officials argue if people obey the airline’s pre-board potty policy, it will result in a five-ton reduction in carbon emissions over the course of 30 days. They calculate that with the average human bladder capacity is 15 oz, therefore any given set of 150 passengers who have not done their business before boarding adds an additional 63.7 kilograms to the plane’s weight. Ergo – pee first.
Other airlines are considering following suit, which means that you, too, might someday be asked to go before getting to go anywhere.
I have a lot of questions about all this.
Is this policy really enforceable?
What happens once we’re airborne? Will there be no complimentary beverage service – for obvious reasons? How will we wash down the 18 ½ peanuts we get for lunch?
Will there be mandatory voiding during the flight giving the crew opportunity to flush the tanks – ala Dave Mathews [you Chicago folks no what I’m talking about]? This gives a new meaning to evacuation procedures.
What about infants? Will pre-board diaper changes be required? Diapers get pretty heavy; I’ve lifted a few wet ones in my day that seemed well over 20lbs.
Does the insanity stop with urination or will it soon extend to other pre-boarding bodily functions?
Why not fly naked? Clothes only add weight to the human anatomy.
How about requiring body shaving? All that heavy hair…
Nail clipping?
No jewelry?

3 Responses to “lightening the load”

  1. 1 Erinn Cox
    February 20, 2010 at 3:38 am

    hmmmm…I like it, outside the box, but hope that is not the policy on your flight to India could be uncomfortable!

  2. February 22, 2010 at 4:42 am

    Thank you Ray. Now I have an image of naked, shaved people on airlines. Not pretty, dude. Not pretty.

  3. 3 Kim Whetstone
    March 1, 2010 at 4:24 am

    I think this is something to consider. I mean, really, what matters most here? Think of what we could do for our planet by saving millions of gallons of water every year by closing the bathrooms at Parkview on Sunday mornings? People come to worship the living God not to “evacuate”, right? Further, think of what we could accomplish if we shut off our drinking fountains and stopped offering coffee-all of those cups not ending up in the trash, all the pollution from transporting the coffee to our stores would be eliminated, and, again, decreasing our water usage by getting rid of beverages altogether…great ideas, I tell you, great ideas. Ultimately, this flight policy is a charge to us to be reasonable and responsible. What we really need to be asking ourselves is “what would Jesus do” here? 🙂 I think He would say, “Let them drink coffee and use the potty.” 🙂

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re: the random-ness

Husband. Father. Senior Pastor of Parkview Community Church in Glen Ellyn, IL.

Ok...so you've located the place where I put down my random thoughts. The key word here is random: music, sports, art, food, books, news, spiritual musings, weird stories, etc. I'm especially interested in how everyday experiences of life intersect with the ancient stories of Scripture. Thanks for reading.
February 2010
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"No problem can withstand the assault of substantial thinking." Voltaire



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